It was a cold December day. We had just celebrated Christmas. All our
children were together and our holiday was special. I decided the week
between Christmas and New Years was a good time to have elective surgery.

I had prepared myself well for my upcoming surgery. I had packed my favorite
robe and slippers, listened to a healing relaxation tape designed to be used before surgery, repeated positive affirmations before falling off to sleep at night and was quite confident all would go well with my surgery.

When I saw my Doctor just moments before surgery, I asked him if he would play the healing relaxation tape during my surgery. He kindly agreed to my
request, while letting me know he had never quite been asked anything like this
before.



Groggy and barely coherent, I awakened in my room after my surgery and heard my tape playing in the tape recorder I had resting at my side. I immediately felt comforted and drifted back off to sleep.

The nurses tell me my tape played throughout the night and into the next day. I was so relaxed and peaceful I hardly noticed any discomfort usually associated with surgery.



My first recollection after surgery was a dream like vision I had while in the recovery room. I had a vision of an angel softly surrounded in white, holding a baby in his outstretched arms. The angel seemed to be handing this baby to me as if giving me a very special gift.

I knew at a very deep level this little baby that the angel was holding was me.

The vision lasted only moments, but seemed like forever.
There was a realness to this vision like nothing I had seen before.
I could experience it with all my senses yet it went way beyond my senses.

The doctors came in to make sure I was comfortable and to give me their report.
The news fell heavy on my ears. I was told that during surgery they had found a tumor and that they had sent it to the lab for a biopsy. The results indicated I had a very rare form of cancer and that in most cases this type of cancer returns within 3 months, and is then terminal.

The little bit of encouraging news was that they felt they had gotten it early and their hope was that is was contained to the surgical site.

But they couldn't be certain.

As I lay in my hospital bed that night, alone with myself, I began to pray. Soon, I sensed a feeling, deep within me, that everything would be ok. I was immediately reminded of the vision that came to me just after surgery...

                                        
                                              
      

              the angel holding a little baby out to me...giving me back my life


This reconnection to my angel vision brought me a sense of profound peace and confidence. So profound, I almost felt like it wasn't real and that I was just fooling myself. But the feeling was so strong...it was unmistakable. I knew I was meant to trust it.

From that point forward I redefined my own meaning of the word trust. I began to understand what real trust is.



The days and nights that followed were filled with many emotions...but the one that continued to be the strongest was this feeling of a deep inner knowing that
I was going to be all right.

From the depths of my soul, from the center of Mother Earth, this feeling was strong. No one or no thing could interfere with this deep knowing.

As days passed and treatment began, I learned how to meditate, how to quiet my mind and how to listen to the wisdom of my Heart. I learned how to wake up in the morning and energize my day and how to go to bed at night grateful for all that I have.

I learned how to be with myself, how to accept myself and how to love myself. I let go of the inner critic and old patterns of judgment that used to haunt me.
I became a human being for the first time instead of a human do-er.


I learned how to let go of stuck emotions, previously held anger and resentments, and I learned how to be grateful for my life. I learned how to live in the moment and to let go of the past. I learned how to be a pioneer of my future and to take an active role in creating my destiny.


I learned how to listen to my body and understand it's infinite wisdom and ability to heal.


I learned how to honor my feelings, embrace them and release the emotions that no longer served me well.


I learned how to forgive myself and others. Through the gift of forgiveness, I learned how to open my heart, and to let others in. I learned the importance of
both giving and receiving love.




I learned how to walk in Nature and listen to Her stillness. I learned how to notice all Her glory. I saw the beauty in sunsets and the magic in a falling star.

I learned how to receive the gifts in all experiences...even in being diagnosed with cancer.

I learned the benefits to Holistic Medicine and Alternative Methods to Heal. I balanced Traditional Medicine with other forms of self healing. I discovered wonderful healing relaxation tapes that I played every night as I went to sleep.
I gave myself the gift to heal as I slept.

click here to learn more about these healing tapes

I took classes and discovered a course that helped me discover the wisdom of my Heart. I learned how to manifest my deepest desires, and to release and let go of the past and be a pioneer of my future, healthy and strong.

All that I was learning served me well. During many of my medical appointments I
was able to hear the grim statistics of others who had faced the same diagnosis and not survived. Somehow I just knew that I would be the exception.

And I am.

I share this story with you in hopes that it will be a source of inspiration and hope to all of you who read this. Inspiration to know that you can manifest your destiny...you can create the life you desire..and you can heal yourself in the face of illness. Anything and Everything is Possible...
You need only to believe it. For if you believe it, you will manifest it.

I share this story with you in hopes that you too will come to know that deep part of you, your internal reservoir of unlimited resources, that will bring you joy, peace, health, success and well being. All the abundance you could ever imagine.

Tapping into this reservoir of internal resources is a journey...a journey inward to discovering the beauty, the wonder and the power of the human Spirit.

I hope this story inspires you to live your life fully, in gratitude and love. So that you may take a few moments to be with yourself and Nature as you watch the sun set, as you wish upon a star, as you cherish all the moments of spirit.


                 " The Journey is the Reward "     Zen Proverb



Make the choice to journey inward and get to know the most important person on this earth...You. You'll fall in love!

Without a doubt, I know the power of the human spirit and my internal wisdom.
I know my once held belief that it was difficult and scary to live from my Heart, from the place of peace deep within, was a misperceived thought that kept me from believing what I now know. Without a doubt, I know my journey inward gave me my life back, the life I longed to live.

Sometimes I ponder the thought...why does it take such a profound "wake up" call for us to discover our true selves? To live our dreams...to live life fully. Perhaps it is all part of our own personal joureny toward our destiny.

Now I know the truth...when we go within, we will never be without.

For you see if I had never had my wake up call, I would still be the person that I was and would never have evolved into the beautiful being that I am. I would still be the person who was too busy to watch the sun set, too hurried to notice a hummingbird drinking from a flower; too proud to ask for help, too angry to be able to forgive and too closed hearted to let others in.

You see, I am now able to be at peace...something I longed for all my life. An inner peace that comes from journeying inward,
embracing your essence and learning to love yourself and re-discovering the power of trusting in yourself...no matter what.

I celebrate my 4 year anniversary with the same deep inner knowing that I had
after my surgery.
All is well because I Trust.

With sincerity from my Heart,

Nadine
December 1998

                  I welcome your comments, questions and letters.

                      Please send them to the following e-mail address
                                            susan@relax-online.com
            all e-mail will be confidential and immediately forwarded to me.