It was a beautiful sunny day in May. The sky was the most beautiful shade of blue. The shade of the ocean against a white sandy beach. There was a gentle breeze in the air softly whistling a morning tune through the gorgeous red rock of a small town known as Sedona, Arizona.

Driving through the side roads amongst the beauty of nature, I came to a crossing in the road. Just as I turned down the path to the right I found my foot on the brake pedal of the car to make safe way for a crossing family of mourning doves about the road.

A most precious site...a little family of five... A mom, three babies and a dad all crossing over the road one by one, all in a row, about their morning travels. A warm feeling moved through me...such a wonderful site this little family of five.

Reaching my destination I walked into the workshop...an intimate room with a small seating for ten. My eyes immediately were drawn to an entire wall surrounded by glass. I stood in awe of such a beautiful view...all nestled in amongst the reddest of rock. I wanted to remember this sight forever. A window seat was definitely in order. As I scanned the room suddenly one chair in particular began to beckon me, as if someone had reserved this seat just for me.

There I was...sitting, looking out taking in all this incredible beauty we call nature. Noticing my thoughts, feeling my feelings, settling into my chair, settling into my body.

The room began to fill but I didn’t really notice. I was busy in my own little world letting my mind play. How wonderful and child-like it felt to contemplate ...how a flower blooms in the desert. To decipher whether the rocks were red, orange, rust or brown...to wonder if I could transpose onto paper what I was taking in with my eyes. Feeling so relaxed, so grateful, and so connected to the awesome Universe we all are so much a part of...Could it get much better that this?

Time stood still...no clocks, no phones, no interruptions...barely an agenda for the days plan. I began to wonder...Why am I here? What will I learn? How can I take this beauty, this peace with me when I leave here? How can I take it all in now so not to miss any particle of this most beautiful place. I began to breathe deeply taking it all in. Allowing this peacefulness to penetrate every cell of my body.

Defining Love...

The facilitator was in the middle of defining the word love; such a beautiful word so full of meaning, so rich with emotion...so symbolic of peace.

Suddenly, like a clap of thunder in the middle of the still night air...a startling CRASH against the window pane to my immediate side. I GASPED! As I turned to my side and looked out the window a mourning dove had flown directly into the window. What a horrible sound...seconds of feeling completely startled overcame me...

My eyes fell to the ground and I now saw the little bird belly up at my feet. Immediately, I took notice of it’s shallow, rapid breathing as it’s beautiful white feathered belly rose up and down...faster and faster with each passing second.

I grabbed my chest pierced with pain...

In the passing of mere seconds, a most intimate connection was made between this bird of nature and I...Somehow the suffering in this moment tapped into a lifetime of my own pain...a knife piercing my heart. A deep voice inside me began to speak...so deep...nudging me,. telling me to Go Now ...quickly and pick this beautiful dove up in the cup of my hands and merely hold its precious life and it will live.

In this most vulnerable moment...like no other moment in time, I felt like such a prisoner...something so strong and so familiar held me back., I looked around the room, no one had even stopped to notice this most precious life about to parish. I looked at the dove at my feet...beckoning me to save it...to just pick it up and hold it. It’s little eyes sparkling gray, met mine...we connected deep...my breath became it’s breath...I heard the whispers “Help me, save me...you know how” moments passed...

I struggled to get up! It was as if my own being divided in half. I saw myself picking up this beautiful bird, holding it in my hands...warming it’s body now obviously in shock.

I struggled to get up...something inside, something much shallower...much more familiar to me kept me from going. Kept me from disturbing the room, from interrupting the workshop, from looking silly, from following my deepest knowing.

I turned to my side and my eyes fell to the ground...and in deep despair I watched this beautiful life force fade away and die...I watched the messenger of love take it’s last breath and slip away.

I now knew what was meant by the words I so often heard "Seize the moment for it is all we have,” "Follow your deepest knowing for it will never fail you”.

I found my way outside the seminar...it was dusk...Returning to the place where the little bird lay, finding only it’s feathers remaining scattered about. I could not help but wonder was this “she” from that little family of five? If so, how will “they” survive? What will they be denied because this life perished?


Tears rolled down my face...

I gently bent down to the ground and picked up three of it’s most beautiful feathers. Surely belonging to it’s wings which provide it with the freedom of flight. Holding them in my hand, I began to weep. The tears from my eyes fell to the dry desert soil beneath my feet.

I soon realized I knew nothing of freedom for I am a prisoner of my own self, my own ego. How sad and pained I felt knowing I had not only abandoned the precious life of this bird but that I had also abandoned a precious life within myself.

I chose to follow the part of me which I know so well yet like so little. The part of me that takes others over myself, the part of me that gives myself away only to feel empty...lonely and abandoned...only to feel lifeless and imprisoned.


Follow Your Heart...

When will I learn, I began thinking, to follow my heart, to trust my deepest knowing which speaks to me, which guides me. When will I remember to embrace the moment...the present moment?

When will I love myself more than I value the opinion of others? When will I get it that life is so precious... and that the beautiful mourning dove in me is trying to fly...is trying to soar. When will I allow myself the wonderful gift of life...a life of freedom to fly my own flight? A life to live the Mourning Dove’s Flight.

As I cupped the feathers in my hand and held them to my heart, I paused. I went to my heart as I embraced my own truth...And I heard the answer... from this very moment forward I will live my own flight.

There is a mourning dove in each of us...calling to us. Asking us to listen, to take action in the moment and to embrace this precious life and return it to flight. A Mourning Dove longing to soar from the depth of Her essence. May we each hold ourselves in our own hands and embrace the messenger of love and live it’s splendid flight.

Susan M. Castle
May 1996

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